The Sweetness of Knowing Names

Author/lecturer Dale Carnegie once wrote that "a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."

My appreciation for knowing people's names never stops growing. I'm steadily learning the names of neighbors on my street; and now Antoinette, John, Cynthia, Jesse, Ken, Judy, and Carl - among others - hear their names when we greet one another.

Learning the names of local business owners and employees is also a real kick. Suki runs the corner store around the corner from my house, John owns my local wine bar, Donnamarie works at my nearest jewelry store, Brandi co-owns a nearby gift stop, and Howard works at the bakery.

And then there are the names of people who work in important local organizations: Paula is the administrator at the church near me, John is principal of a nearby international school, Kevin is a local police sergeant, and Ross is my district supervisor.

I wear a name tag on my jacket's lapel at all times (a shrinky dink saying "Hello my name is Adam", made for me by an old friend) so that my name is readily apparent to anyone. It's worked well over the past few years and people seem to appreciate it.

Lots of names, lots of opportunities. Photo from "The Big Lunch" event.

Why learn people's names?

1. Ice-Breaking. Knowing someone's name is the ultimate ice-breaker. Whether someone is shy, suspicious, unfamiliar, of a different culture, or otherwise, you can warm to one another by learning their name. Learning names is the first step to getting to know your neighbors.

2. Navigating the grape vine. A community-builder who knows a lot of names builds a map in their mind of who knows who and where to go for information and resources. "You should talk to Cheryl at the local school. She knows someone with a lot of spare carpets you could use for your event."

3. Seeing people as humans. We have all de-humanized strangers, judging them by their looks, race, gender, clothing, demeanor, or otherwise. That doesn't mean we're bad people, it's a natural tendency. However, knowing someone's name makes them fully human to us and lifts us above our natural lazy judgments. We come to appreciate people and to empathize with and respect them.

4. Being happy. Knowing names makes people friendlier and more familiar. A high percentage of people smile when you call their name. It's part of a happy life.

How to learn names

Many of us think we're naturally bad at remembering names. I don't actually think this is the case for most people; we just need some techniques. Chris Witt has some great advice, which I will put in my own words and expand upon below:

1. Commit to learning names. Understand the importance of knowing names and build name-learning into your daily practice.

2. Concentrate. Make sure you really listen when someone tells you their name. Ask them to repeat it if you didn't hear or to spell it out if their name is unusual to you.

3. Employ repetition. Use someone's name a few times within the first couple of minutes of talking with them. This really helps you memorize their name.

4. Use the power of association. To help remember a name, associate it with an action, visual, sound, or something else. For instance, if someone's name is Derek, you might say it sounds a bit like "deck" and thus associate them with an image of a ship.

5. Ask next time. If you failed to remember someone's name, ask them on the next occasion or as soon as possible; you could even write their name in your notebook to really drive it home. This avoids the awkward "I've known someone for 6 months and I still can't remember their name" phenomenon that we have all experienced.

6. Use name tags. When organizing events, get people to put on sticky name badges. I do this for most events with which I'm involved.

7. Introduce someone else. This is a little sneaky trick I use when it feels too awkward to ask for someone's name a long time after you first met. Introduce someone whose name you do know to the person whose name you want to know and the latter will introduce themselves. Now remember this time!

Time to get learning! Photo from "The Big Lunch" event.

Knowing names is a key ingredient of an effective community-builder, a good neighbor, and a happy person. It has become uniquely important to me as I've gotten to know more and more people in my neighborhood and you will probably discover the same thing.

If you want to feel a part of your community, get to know names. It's that simple!