Keys to a Great Household

At some point, you've probably experienced a less than satisfying living situation. And during such a time you may have thought, "How can I make this house a home in which I feel comfortable and happy?" Perhaps you are feeling that way right now. If so, then read on to discover how easily a wonderful household is within your reach. It's possible and you deserve to be happy in your home.


The below guide is for people who care about where they live. Many housemates see paying the rent as the most they are willing to contribute to the house. If you are so inclined, it is not my place to tell you that you should do otherwise. However, I suggest that the vast majority of people become happier when they put effort into their home. Even if you expect to live somewhere for a short period of time, why defer a quality experience until a later date? Enjoy it now.

The guide is written mostly from the renter perspective, since that is the arrangement with which I'm most familiar. But if your living situation fits some other category, much of the below will still apply. As the Sunscreen Song says, "My advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience." To that end, email me at gubbins4ever@yahoo.com or reply below if you have any ideas for additions or amendments to the below.

Introduction

A great household requires much more than merely bringing together "nice people". Great homes only happen with vision, community, and ongoing effort. In such a place, housemates:

1. Feel free to express themselves
   
2. Enjoy rest from the hussle-bustle of the outside world
3. Share a culture of positive action in the face of imperfections and challenges
4. Have worked out which household elements on which to coordinate
   
5. Reside in a house that meets acceptable quality of life standards
6. Feel part of a community of equals
   

One crucial matter before we explore these ideas in greater depth...

Choosing quality housemates

Strive for quality housemates with whom you feel comfortable and make sure they agree to the house order before the move in.

People generally find housemates either "cold" (previously unknowns, solicited through places such as Craigslist) or through social connections. Neither avenue guarantees success although people you already know directly or indirectly have already received some degree of screening.

The collective should identify how the house is to work and state this to potential new housemates before they move in. Think your wanted ad and house interview through carefully; you will save yourself a lot of suffering by making sure candidates agree to your baseline criteria prior to joining the house. If necessary, put something in writing and review adherence to these criteria at house meetings.

If time is running out before the next rent installment is due, consider finding a short term tenant as you continue to search for a longer term housemate. Avoid picking a subpar individual because you are desperate. Do not settle for a mediocre situation - it will eat away at you as the months and years pass.

At least they're in the same room

1. In a great household, housemates find common ground

In terms of career, interests, hobbies, background, and so on, diversity of residents can keep a house fresh and interesting. At the same time, on a day to day basis, a certain level of commonality makes for a quality living experience.

Make sure you and your housemates agree/overlap on the following points:

Your daily schedules: How much do you want to be in the house at the same time and sharing things such as mealtimes? Too much overlap can be stifling, too little can make it hard to bond and find enough opportunities to meet and discuss house issues.

Cleanliness: You must all agree on the house's minimum level of cleanliness and on how much each effort each housemate is expected to put in to maintain that level. When new housemates move in, walk through the house as a group and let everybody explain their preferred level of cleanliness for every common area.

Relations with neighbors: How important is it for your household to interact with neighbors and contribute to the wider community? At the very least, housemates must agree on what constitutes respectful coexistence with the neighbors.

Lifestyle: To what extent is it important to share the same views on diet (omnivore, vegan, etc), use of intoxicants, politics, smoking, health needs, pets, television/internet use, noise before/after certain hours, regularity of friend visits, parties, and so on?

Use of common space: Some people spend all their times in their bedrooms, others prefer to be in their housemates' physical presences in the living room or kitchen. Make sure you are comfortable with the house's social arrangement.

Rights: Are there any situations in which one or more housemates - by virtue of how much rent they pay, how long they have lived in the house, their duties and obligations with the landlord, and so on - have more rights/power than any other housemates? Are there any instances in which the right of veto applies?

Chemistry: This is the x-factor. Do you connect on a personal level and feel comfortable around one another? Does conversation flow naturally? How easily can you raise and discuss household and/or personal issues?

These housemates are diverse but they know how to work together

2. A great household finds a balance between freedom and structure

As stated above, households are not made great by sitting back and doing nothing. Your home needs some degree of structure, paying rent being the obvious minimum. You need to agree on the balance between enough structure for getting things done and sufficient freedom for autonomy and relaxation.

Here are some structural elements for you to consider integrating:

House meetings: This is where overlapping schedules come in handy. Regular house meetings can provide a space for housemates to feel comfortable to air their feelings about the house, past, present, and future. Discussions with everybody present are usually far more productive, inclusive, and capable of quality decisions than conversations between individual housemates. Meetings are also a good opportunity to catch up and enjoy time together, if you don't often have the opportunity.

You may like to form an agenda to keep the meeting succinct and have someone make notes to ensure recall and follow up on relevant points. Remember to agree on deadlines for action items.

Discussing house issues is a delicate art. Make sure you communicate clearly and empathetically with your housemates. Meetings should feel relaxed, nothing should get personal, and no one person should dominate the discussion. The best guide on communication I've read is the book Nonviolent Communication (Amazon, SF Public Library).

Chore rotas: Only in rare circumstances does it work to leave it open for housemates to do as little or as much cleaning as they like. Usually, everybody has different ideas on what constitutes minimum standards and in a free-for-all nobody knows how much cleaning anyone else has done. The most common result is that everybody slacks and at least a few resentful people feel they do more than their fair share.

A chore rota ensures that everybody is contributing to a minimum level. A monthly schedule often works well. The people who like to do even more cleaning than specified by the rota usually don't mind doing so if they know that everybody is doing something. If people are routinely slacking on their chores bring it up at the house meeting.

House projects: Get together for the occasional collective project to bring excitement and lasting benefits to the house. For instance, you might try a garden overhaul, a hunt for new art to put on the walls, or a deep cleaning day. Schedule a house project shortly after the move in of a new housemate to help that person to feel a degree of ownership over their new abode.

Basic provisions jar: Get everybody to chip in a set amount every month for basic provisions, such as toilet paper, soap, and so on. These items are then acquired more easily because nobody is consistently using their own money for purchases.

House upgrades jar: A pot into which people monthly contribute larger sums than for the basic provisions jar - the former being used for house upgrades such as art for the walls, plants, new furniture, and so on - could be a great way to keep the house constantly improving.

Birthdays: Remembering housemates' birthdays is a good way to make people feel a part of the house. Find out the dates of everybody's birthday and consider doing something on those dates.

Housemate social gatherings: Sharing social experiences - such as meals together, hikes, ceremonies, and nights out - might be the only time that you all come together as a group. Such occasions can be valuable and worth building into your monthly schedules.

Lastly, don't forget: Whenever your household achieves anything... Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!

When was your last house adventure?

3. A quality household exists within a quality building

Whatever the rent you pay, your abode must reach a certain level of quality. Such standards include rights to adequate heating, smoke detectors, mold abatement, hot water, quiet enjoyment, appropriate treatment by the landlord, and so on.

If you live in San Francisco, your best guide is the SF Tenants Union's Tenants Rights Handbook. Learn your rights and put in writing any requests you make to the landlord, even requests that have been made in another way, such as in person.

Then, discuss and agree upon how far beyond the minimum you want to go. What kind of aesthetic and functionalities work for everybody and how much time, effort, and money can you afford to invest?

You hold the keys to a great household

Creating a great household means making the right decisions. Choose wisely - be it neighborhood, house, housemate, furnishings, et cetera - from among the options available to you. Once you have settled on basic choices, work out when you can improve things, when you need to accept a situation and live with it, and when something is unreformable and you need to get rid of it (eg. by moving out, getting a new housemate, and so on).

If you've never experienced a satisfying living experience or if you feel stuck in a rut right now, don't despair. With effort, collaboration, time, and vision, a top-class living experience is yours for the taking. Life is short, why wait?


Photos, top to bottom (all Flickr): foreverdigital, adactio, merwing little dear, raguy, voxphoto